1. During the Visitation: (the hour immediately preceding the service or the day before the service) Music provides a relaxing focal point when there is a break in conversation and words seem unable to convey our feelings.
2. Before the Memorial Service: (as people are arriving) Live music is more personal and welcoming than silence or "muzak". Feel free to request favorite songs of your loved one or your family. If the musician has access to your requests, s/he will usually try to accommodate your wishes. If there is a special song that the musician can not make available, plan to download it from the internet and use it as background music for the video photo montage. Most funeral homes now include a montage as part of the service or viewing or both.
3. During the Memorial Service: (music provides a nice respite from all the speaking) Usually families choose two to three songs, but you can include as many as three to five songs. Having five songs is common for a Catholic funeral.
a. Placement of Solos
1) At beginning: (usually after a welcome and opening prayer) 2) after Scripture reading 3) after eulogy and before pastor's message (in some cases the message will precede the eulogy) 4) after message or sharing of stories by attendees 5) at end of service (after commendation, closing prayer and blessing)
b. Using a congregation hymn: (like "Amazing Grace," or "How Great Thou Art") allows those in attendance to feel like they have added something to the service. The best two places for congregational hymns are at the beginning after an opening welcome and at the end of the service. (The middle of service is often very emotional and a difficult time for people to try to sing.)
4. Graveside Service: Often families choose to have a short service of committal at the graveside. An acoustic instrument, like harp or guitar, playing at the graveside as people approach and leave is a comforting presence. Many families like to include a vocal solo with harp or guitar at the graveside service.
5. At the reception: choose your favorites or the favorite style of your departed loved one. Consider using lighter songs, waltzes, classical, and music to uplift the spirit of funeral-goers.
Using live acoustic music in any or all of these ways will enhance the day of a memorial service. If live music is not an option, harp music has many physical benefits if played over a decent sound system.
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Karin Gunderson is a harpist and vocalist who ministers to the dying each day at hospice. Her site https://healyourgriefsite.com came out of her work and includes free resources to help with your healing, harp music, a grief forum and stories that will reassure you in a difficult time.
