By David Leonhardt
The following is based on a true story. Any resemblance to what
is today happening on the Internet is, sadly, a figment of my own
personal experience.
I found myself returning to the office at 9:50 p.m. I walked to
my office door. I placed the key in the keyhole. It would not
turn. After several tries, I peeked through the blinds.
Everything was gone! My furniture. My computer. My files.
Even my family photos.
I called my landlord. "Hold the line a moment," he said. "Aha,
here's the problem. We are just moving your office to a new
floor. It should be another hour."
"What?!" I cried. "You're moving me without even letting me
know? What about my business? I automatically process orders
from around the world 24 hours a day."
I felt sick. I went home to get some sleep.
I was up at 5:30 a.m. After taming the growling beasts in my
stomach, I rushed to work.
No office. I checked every floor. It was still missing in
action. By 10:00 a.m., I was able to reach my landlord.
"Yes, we've moved it to another floor. It usually takes a day to
get everything set up. It should be ready for you sometime later
today."
"But it's MY business," I protested.
"Check back later."
When I got home, a message from my landlord was waiting for me:
"The agent you spoke with was not aware that your office has been
sanctioned for junk mail abuse. Please email our abuse department
for further details."
I dialed immediately.
"Hello, billing department."
"Is this the abuse department?" I asked.
"Let me check your file." After a few minutes, Billing Lady
returned. "It seems our courier provider told us to shut you down
for sending junk mail."
"But I don't send junk mail," I protested.
"I am sure you did."
"Can I see the proof, please?"
"Sorry, we don't have a copy."
"Can I please speak with someone in your abuse department?"
"Sorry, I can't connect you. You have to email them," she
replied. "They don't even have telephones. Imagine the abuse
they would take if they did?"
Really? I could not imagine why. I emailed the abuse
department. It took them just 35 minutes to inform me that they
would respond to my email within 24 hours. Weeks later, I still
have not heard back from them.
I headed to the bar and grill across the street to tame, once
again, those growling beasts in my stomach.
"Would you believe my business just got shut down for sending
junk mail I did not even send?" I asked of the customer next to
me.
"Don't I know it? I used to be a sp@m cop. We shut websites
down all the time for sending unsolicited email. We never
bothered checking if the complaints were legit. Didn't last
long, though," he moaned.
"Why not?"
"One day I walked into my boss' office and spoke to him."
"So?"
"It was unsolicited. I was fired on the spot. By the time I got
back, there was a photocopy machine where my desk used to be."
"So where do you work now?"
"Nowhere. How can anybody find a job if they can't send an
unsolicited resume."
"But doesn't every exchange begin with an unsolicited message," I
asked.
"Welcome to the post-Internet world. The greatest communications
tool of all time ended communications forever."
"But what can we do about it?" I wanted to know.
"I don't know about you," he said as he slipped into his jacket.
"But I'm off to the freedom-of-speech bureau to report an
unsolicited conversation. They should be here soon to staple
your mouth shut."
ABOUT THE AUTHOR FOR PLAIN TEXT NEWSLETTERS
David Leonhardt is The Happy Guy, and author of "Don't Get Banned
By The Search Engines": http://thehappyguy.com/SEO.html . Visit
his website at http://TheHappyGuy.com .
ABOUT THE AUTHOR FOR WEBSITES AND HTML NEWSLETTERS
David Leonhardt is The Happy Guy, and author of
secrets">. Don't Get Banned By The Search Engines. Visit
his website: http://TheHappyGuy.com title="Find happiness
resources here">Finding Happiness and Self-actualization.
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David Leonhardt
The Happy Guy
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