There's a story that Ronald Reagan used to tell about two little boys. One who is a pessimist and the other who is an optimist. The pessimist, when placed in a room full of toys is unhappy and continues to whine and cry. The optimist, when given a shovel and placed in a room full of horse manure, is happy. Asked why he's digging away so happily, he responds: "If there's this much of this stuff here, there's got to be a pony somewhere!"
The pessimist takes without ever feeling happy or satisfied. In contrast, the optimist's hope is contagious and spreads light to all whom it touches. Do you really believe it's better to give than receive? For a moment, remember your childhood. While you loved receiving gifts at the holidays or on your birthday, remember how you waited in anticipation for someone to open the gift you gave them? As an adult, especially if you have children, aren't you more concerned about seeing them happy with your gifts as opposed to worrying about what they give you? Your gift is the gift of their joy when they are truly happy about what you have given.
Challenge: Tighten in your hand into a closed fist. As long as your hand is closed, you can no longer receive anything. In fact, the harder you try to hang on to something, the more likely it is that your hand will become fatigued and that you will actually lose it. Now, open your fist and cup your hand. Next, pour a glass of water over your cupped hand. Your hand receives the water, but then it runs out of your hand allowing fresh water to take its place. Which would you rather drink? Water that has been trapped in your hand for days or fresh water that continuously flows?
Inclusive/Exclusive: Truth is inclusive. Falseness is exclusive. True love generates so much good energy; many are drawn to its light. In this state, there is room for all and none need to be excluded. Remember those cliques when you were in high school? If you were one of the in crowd, being included was one of the best things about your life.
On the other hand, if you were one of the other people who were not in with the in crowd, being on the outside looking in may have been one of the most painful things about your existence. Then, why are there so many exclusive clubs, exclusive communities, exclusive rights, etc? Why do so many adults feel the need to exclude others when they may have experienced that very same pain themselves? When we feel the need to exclude someone, we are drawing on fear, hate, or some other negative feeling. We do this because we lack the love we need to be inclusive. The outsiders are threatening to us in some way or fashion. We feel they may take something we value. In contrast, when we feel secure and loving, there is no threat, and hence, there is more than enough room for all.
Challenge: In all relationships, whether personal, family, or business, when you feel a need to exclude someone, look at your motives, rather than their actions. Then ask, what would happen if I were to include this person rather than excluding them?
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Bernice L. Ross, Ph.D., is a Nationally Syndicated Real Estate Columnist, Master Certified Coach and CEO of http://www.RealEstateCoach.com . She provides training, coaching, and consulting. While researching alternative teaching and decision-making tools, Bernice discovered, among Native American traditions, a model to assist people in making better decisions. Read more at http://blross.typepad.com/going_where .
