It’s a bittersweet moment. I’m overjoyed to see how she genuinely cares for and loves my children, but I’m saddened by feeling that I’m missing out on the fun. Our nanny is all the things I want to be when I’m not trying to do 50 things at once. She isn’t torn by the article deadline, the 12-story-high pile of laundry, the book proposal, the office in-box, the depleted groceries, the mounting bills, the weeds that have taken over the yard, the urge to check the computer whenever she hears it plays its musical equivalent of “You’ve Got Mail”...the list goes on and on. She is only concerned with the care and well-being of my children. She isn’t coerced by the pleas for just one more jelly bean or the tirades of yet another sibling spat. She has the peace of mind to sit down and play game after game of Candy Land with them. She truly seems to be the closet replica of Mary Poppins I’ve ever found. However, in my quest to find her, I faced some scary interviews and constant reservations. How do you find the right caregiver to fit into your family’s inner circle?
FINDING THE RIGHT CAREGIVER
• Identify your priorities. Sit down with your partner and discuss what your ideal nanny would be like. What responsibilities would be included? What qualities do you want? Steve Lampert of eNannysource.com agrees that important qualities in caregivers include respect, patience, experience and trustworthiness, however it “ultimately, comes down to whether or not your children like her and she likes them.” Once your list is complete, you’re ready to start looking.
• Ask friends and neighbors for referrals. A word-of-mouth referral from someone you trust is an excellent way to find a quality caregiver. (That’s how I found my Mary Poppins!)
• Check out your local college, university, church, or synagogue. Quite often child development students, older moms or grandmothers are looking for part or full-time work as a caregiver.
• Scan the newspapers. You may need to do quite a bit of screening, but newspapers always have an abundance of want ads for nannies.
• Go to the professionals. Nanny placement agencies screen candidates prior to representing them. The agency will verify a nanny’s work experience and may also check her driving and criminal records. These services are huge time savers, but they can be spendy. Many charge upwards of $500 to $5000 depending on where you live, but you will certainly save hours of research.
• Surf the web. There have been a crop of websites devoted to nanny searches have sprung up over the past few years. A few sites available are 4nannies.com and eNannySource.com. These companies offer many the same services as traditional nanny placement agencies, but often without the high costs. Social classified sites such as Craigslist also have nanny listings. “I found all my nannies on Craigslist,” says Kelly “You have to do some research, but there are many true gems out there!”
YOU’VE FOUND THE ONE…NOW WHAT?
• Hold a Face-to-Face Interview. A face-to-face interview is an opportunity for both you and your prospective nanny to see if there is a fit with styles, expectations, and more.
• Check all references and perform a criminal/DMV background check. Even if you felt an instant connection, you must first check all references and perform a background check before making an offer. Reference checking is the most effective method of learning about the nanny. Request a minimum of two childcare references that are not related to the applicant. Next, conduct a criminal and, if necessary, DMV background on your applicant which can be completed through online nanny agencies. A word of note, consider avoiding instant online databases to conduct your check as they often prove unreliable.
• Have a trial workday. Have a potential caregiver spend a trial workday with your children. Be considerate of first day jitters; however, if there is something that makes you truly uncomfortable, talk to her or say goodbye.
• Be clear in your expectations. Provide your nanny with your child’s schedule, likes and dislikes along with your expectations. Remember, too, that your nanny may do things just slightly different than you, and that’s okay. It’s a good opportunity for your child to adapt to new styles.
• Allow your caregiver to set boundaries and discipline your child. Just so we’re clear, I mean discipline – not punish. What’s the difference? Discipline is teaching, while punishment is instilling fear. Chances are your child will push the limit to see what the limitations are with your caregiver. Give her permission to set and enforce boundaries.
• Consider your caregiver’s and your children’s feelings. Your child (hopefully) will come to love his nanny, but you will always be the apple of his eye. Be sensitive to the fact that while your nanny has developed a bond with him, she can quickly be passed over like Brussels sprouts once you enter a room. Additionally, your child may feel torn between a loyalty to you and your caregiver. Let him see you and your caregiver interact together. Show him that you aren’t threatened (even if you are), and let him know that it is okay to care for another.
• Expect to feel a little jealous. You’re bound to feel a little jealous and resentful, especially when she’s receiving the big bear hugs and kissing the boo-boos while you are stuck behind a desk or running errands. Rather than dwell on those feelings, try to feel proud. You have been able to find a caregiver that your child adores. And, rest assure, your child will always know exactly who mommy and daddy are. A child’s love for a parent is irreplaceable.
The search for a quality caregiver can be intimidating and daunting, but with the right amount of preparation and research, you too can find the right fit for your family. As I peek in on my children happily giggling with their caregiver, I realize that the investment is minimal compared to the confidence I have in my children’s well-being.
Family and Business Lifestyle Expert, Julie Watson Smith, also known as “The Conscious Character Coach” shares more tips on aligning – not balancing – your Family and Business while also attracting more income, more freedom and more fun through her Family and Business Inner Circle. Get a 30-day risk-free membership today at www.FABinnercircle.com.
