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Bring Emotion into Your Description to Grab Your Reader

Most readers want to be captivated by several aspects of a good story. The plot, the setting, and the characters with their emotional highs and lows. But don't neglect to bring in some extra emotion in your descriptive passages as well.

Most stories contain one or more of these: Your main character, a location where the action takes place, and perhaps an object or artifact germain to the story.

Without being too flowery, try to make your descriptions vivid and if possible emotionally charged to a greater or lesser degree. Make an impression in the mind of your reader so that they can easily keep the person, place or object in memory as they follow the story along.

When I say 'emotionally charged' what do I mean? Simply bring in an emotional element that will strike a chord with the reader at a deeper level than just the intellect. For instance:

"Glenda was tall and slim, with soft brown hair that flowed down her back like the waves of the sea over which she gazed. Her eyes, like the horizon, were distant and held a deep sorrow that belied her youth and fragile beauty."

So here we have tried to build into the physical description an idea of where this young girl is on her emotional journey at this point in time. Hopefully we will also have secured the readers' interest so that they are longing to know why she is so sad.

For a novel, the description of Glenda could be filled out much more, and perhaps movement brought in to indicate again her state of mind, such as nervously twisting a corner of a scarf or handkerchief, but for a short story the above would probably suffice.

Descriptions will normally enter the narrative when a new character or place is first introduced. So this is the golden opportunity for the writer to overlay an emotional layer to indicate what that person or place holds in store for the making of the story.

At other times descriptive elements can mirror what is going on either physically or in the characters mind. For instance:

"As the train pulled into Deresford Halt my nerves were getting the better of me. The sky to the west was bright, but clouds were gathering overhead and a cold wind began tugging at my coat."

This tells the reader that unpleasant times are ahead but there is hope on the horizon.

Even inanimate objects can be suffused with emotional overtones that set the scene for what follows. Here's an example:

"The room contained nothing but a broken chair. The black oak of it's high back was roughly carved in the form of a twisted and misshapen thistle. The arms were thick, straight and uncompromisingly severe giving no promise of comfort to the sitter. But most disturbing was the seat which had been split in two as if by the crashing blow of a heavy object wielded with a terrible anger."

If this description came at the start of a story or chapter it prepares the ground for whatever dark secrets are to be revealed later.

Of course, happier emotions can also be used. Joy, love, affection can all be built into your descriptions. It is simply that the darker emotions tend to grip the reader most.

Try creating a few scenarios yourself based on the suggestions above and see what a difference it can make to the life of your story.


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Mervyn Love offers advice, resources, competition listing, markets and much more on his website. Go here: http://www.writersreign.co.uk Subscribe to his free Article Writing Course here: http://www.writersreign.co.uk/WRac.html
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Mervyn Love was born a century and a half ago (well, it feels like it sometimes) in the village of Reepham, Lincolnshire, UK and has never looked back. Mervyn failed his ‘O’ Level Maths at the age of 30, having been something of a slow learner, and ironically has earned his living by crunching numbers in the finance departments of several companies, including Enron and WorldCom. Which just goes to show that all the sweat and tears gaining ‘A’ Levels in Quantum Physics, Civil Engineering, and Cross-stitch in the 13th Century were a complete waste of time. Recreations include ropeless abseiling, desert pot-holing, lounging in front of the TV and tiddly-winks. The latter being a left-over from the time he captained the Frodingham Flyers to victory in the Lincolnshire and South Humberside Tiddly-winks Championships in 1954 against reigning champions the Appleby Aces. The Flyers won by two whizzers and a scrimp in a nail biting final at the Grimsby Fish Gutters Centennial Hall. His award-winning site for aspiring writers, WritersReign.co.uk (voted Best Cloned Site 2002 in the ‘Web Sites Thrown Together With Little Or No Thought’ category) recently won the "Site Most Likely To Be Ignored In The 21st Century" award, and has received several similar accolades. His ambition is to one day get out of bed before 11.00am, and beat his wife at Scrabble, but not both on the same day.
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